Forgiving one another, sign of a healthy marriage

Forgiving one another is a sign of a healthy marriage. It is surprising that in the marriage vows we profess on our wedding day, forgiveness is absent. We promise for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part but nothing on forgiveness. I think It is assumed that because you love one another then you will forgive one another. And to an extent this is true, if you have been married longer than five years inevitably you have learnt to forgive your spouse. And you are a beneficiary of forgiveness whether you are aware of it or not. When you are in love, it is easy to forgive because love has a way of making you immune and also you firmly believe in your heart that you spouse intentions towards you are good.

Ignoring an offence is not forgiveness

However, if you live with someone long enough you get to realise that sweeping under the carpet the things that caused you offence is not forgiveness. It is just choosing not to address the issue. Growing up one of the things grown ups used to do to us was make us publicly apologise. And publicly pronounce forgiveness to others. I found this to be unfair and unjust and one could always tell when an apology was insincere. Because the culprit goes on to threaten you behind their backs right after making the apology. The day I found out that I could forgive someone without this public spectacle, it made forgiveness accessible and applicable.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. This should be the standard for forgiveness, we forgive others not because they have appropriately begged for forgiveness. We don’t forgive others because we believe their motives are right. But we forgive because we ourselves are forgiven much. We are quick to judge the other person harshly when we are offended and hurt. But when we look at the offence in light of how much we ourselves have sinned against a sinless God. It should change our perspective and forgiveness should not be impossible to give.

Forgiving one another is one thing but if there are issues to address do not hide behind the cover of forgiveness. Seek to address the issues that have come to light. Have a loving and forgiving week!