Dating My Spouse Challenge

I have a confession to make. When I decided to write about dating one’s spouse, I had pictured it completely differently. In my mind I wanted to share and lament on how my husband has really let us down in that department but Holy Spirit had other ideas. He prompted me to look at it as a challenge to me or rather an opportunity for growth. There is no law laid down that it is solely the responsibility of the man to plan and execute a date. In the relationship either party can come up with a plan for dating and romance. So this has forced me to seriously reflect on why couples particularly married couples, why they should date and what are the benefits. What makes the investment of time, resources and money worthwhile?

First of all, spending quality time is always beneficial. Something special happens when as a couple you deliberately carve out time for yourselves to enjoy one another’s company. The main focus should be one another, resist the urge to look at your phone and remember the reason you are on the date. This is an opportunity to say words of affirmation, to compliment one another, to love on one another so strongly resist the urge to continue an argument that only you remember. Declare it a no fighting zone, in fact decide on a fine up front if this is not adhered to. If there are some serious issues that need to be discussed pertaining to the family look for another forum or schedule a meeting.

Second, tuning out everything else enables one to have the proper focus on the object of your love that is sitting infront or beside you. The ability to focus on the company at hand is heightened as the distractions are reduced. In this day and age a lot of things vie for our attention and it requires one to make a conscious effort to tune out the noise and focus on the activity at hand.  Dating also gives one the opportunity to nurture the closeness that may have become absorbed by the issues of life. Living together day in day out has a way of showing all sides of oneself especially the ones you had kept hidden while dating in an attempt to put your best foot forward. Dating gives you the chance to redeem yourself and remind him or her why he/she fell in love with you in the first place.

Now that I have reminded us and myself why dating is important, the exciting work begins, planning the dates! I am not going to be overly ambitious, one date per month. The key ingredients are me, him, no phones. The constraints are time, availability and diversity. The motivation is that when we become empty nesters we will not be strangers to one another but that we have shared experiences, wonderful memories and stories that bind us together.